Finding the One

Ever wondered how to know if a relationship is right for you?

It’s a big one: is he or she the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? There are probably only a few other decisions that have such a profound impact on our happiness.

Considering the importance of this one, it’s amazing how little help we get in figuring out how to do it. Asking your partnered friends may result in advice like, ‘You just know’ or ‘You feel it or you don’t.’

In my work with people going through breakups and divorce, I hear a lot of reflections on how people got together. Many say they had a sense that it was what they should do, or that it was the best relationship they’d had so far, or that they assumed no one better would come along.

Surprisingly, we often make this decision without much awareness about how we are making it, until things fall apart.

After we’ve been hurt by a relationship ending it takes a while to be ready to risk being close again. It’s common to look for so-called, ‘red flags’ so that we avoid repeating those same mistakes and getting hurt. The problem is, somehow the list of his troublesome qualities can begin to seem endless.

We’re all familiar with the prevailing wisdom that relationships take work. But how to sort out what relationship work is okay to accept and what isn’t? What parts of our issues are due to my baggage and what parts are real? Which red flags should I pay attention to and which should I let go?

Are you thinking, ‘Yeah, those are good questions!?’

Well, listen in here to hear me talk about how I’ve learned to navigate them for myself - post-divorce and pre-second marriage later. 

I’ll share how when I stopped the endless search for red flags and instead learned to track my feelings, I felt more empowered and confident. I’ll talk about how to just keep taking the next step in getting closer and then checking in with your heart. And I’ll touch on how I deal with one of life’s hard truths: that it still may not work out.