Healing from Breakups, Separation & Divorce
Ending your marriage or relationship, whether by choice or not, is one of the most difficult and confusing life transitions.
Whether you’re trying to leave or cope with the process of being left, you are probably experiencing a lot of hurt and anxiety. You may be fed up with the anger, walking on eggshells, betrayal, lack of intimacy, or emotional distance.
But as soon as you try to make a change, difficult thoughts and feelings come up:
What if I end up alone?
Maybe there’s still hope that he’ll change.
How can I do this to my kids?
I don’t have the right to hurt her like this.
Please don’t leave me!!
These feelings can be so overwhelming that you find yourself doing just about anything to make them stop. Or you get caught in a constant inner dialogue arguing both sides and end up confused about which thoughts to trust.
Before you know it you’re stuck. And as if that isn’t hard enough, then you feel bad about yourself for being weak.
As women, we’re vulnerable to this pattern. Our personal histories, reinforced by cultural norms, often make it challenging for us to stay attuned to our inner voice in the face of another’s conflicting needs.
The good news is that there is hope for breaking out of this exhausting cycle.
Imagine being able to connect with your own inner wisdom about what’s best for you.
To trust yourself to make decisions based on what’s right rather than stay stuck out of fear, and to be kind to yourself when you stumble on your journey (as most humans do!).
As you begin to develop more awareness of your needs and boundaries in relationships, you may notice some changes. You stop abandoning yourself.
You can stay grounded when upset so that you can make different choices.
You have confidence that you can stay without losing yourself or leave even when it’s hard.
You know how to work with difficult emotions, negative self talk, and fear states, in order to create a life that reflects your authentic self.
Healing is possible when you become fierce
about loving yourself.
You can begin this inner work anytime, through reading, journaling, and self-guided practices.
Here are some resources to get started:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay Gibson
Recovery of Your Inner Child, Lucia Capacchione
Getting Past Your Breakup, Susan J. Elliot
Your Brain on Love: Stan Tatkin
Living Like You Mean It, Ronald Frederick
Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System, Deb Dana
Therapy with me can also help.
Here are some areas we might focus on together.
Tracking your body’s wisdom or felt sense
Learning to befriend parts of you that are scared or anxious
Attuning to and valuing your needs and boundaries
Taming your inner critic and negative self talk
Developing mindfulness tools for working with anxiety
Identifying outdated family rules and roles and letting them go
Working with nervous system regulation to calm difficult emotions
Transforming your self-image by changing your habits